After referencing this story in yesterday's post, I found the email and giggled as I read through it. I'm waiting for the day Leigh publishes a book filled with her brilliant shenanigans. Hope you find it as humorous as I do.
The History of the Unicorn and Our Calling to Univangelism
an Essay by A. A. Stuckey, Mid. East/Unicorn Studies
Prior to the time of Noah, the idea of a horned horse animal would have been completely disregarded. For indeed, there was no such thing, nor were there even fables wild enough to imagine the winsome creature we now know to be the unicorn. Yes, all unicorns can trace their roots back to good ole Noah, for that is where they find their beginnings.
As we all know, Noah was expected to bring all animals two by two to the ark, "...of every living thing, of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female. Of the birds according to their kinds, and of the animals according to their kinds, of every creeping thing of the ground according to its kind, to of every kind shall come in to you, to keep them alive" (Genesis 6.19, 20 NRSV). So, being the righteous man he was, Noah brought two of every animal and creature into his ark, including white stallions and mountain goats. Now, forty days is a long time for an animal to suppress it's animalistic desires, and Patriarch Ballion, the male white stallion, was in an argument with his female counterpart. It seems that Ballion the Stallion told Lallion, his wife, that she looked fat in her new saddle (certainly a poor decision on Ballion's part). Likewise, it seemed that Jill the female goat was (excuse my crassness and the pun) a bit horny, and her male counterpart, being good friends with Lallion, had chosen to spend his time wooing Lallion (for she was a beautiful horse) instead of paying attention to Jill.
Being of the same general species, Ballion and Jill were kept in the same wing of the ark, and distraught over their ill-fortune, the two became quick best friends. No one would have ever guessed the fate that befell them, for on day 31, after a night of too much horse feed, Ballion made a cuckold of himself, and a pregnancy ensued.
Nine months later, Przybyszewska was born. While Przybyszewska resembled both Ballion and Jill, there was one prominent, yet strange, feature that could not be overlooked. Przybyszewska did not have two curled horns as most goats/rams do, nor was his forehead completely smooth as a stallion. Indeed, Przybyszewska had only one curled horn, smack in the center of his forehead. Przybyszewska lived a happy life, having a child with his half sister Morocco (Morocco had been the first post-flood child born to Ballion and Lallion). This child, a female named Macaroni, still had the one singular horn, but it had much less of a twist to it. On top of that, Macaroni loved carpentry, but she did not use a typical carpenter's tools, she carved everything using her horn. Eventually, as Macaroni honed her carpentry skills, her horn developed from a curl to a perfect (and deadly sharp) horn. Throughout her life Macaroni took many lovers, for her lascivious desires overtook her. By the time of her death, Macaroni had 47 children, all born with one sharply pointed horn on its forehead.
Macaroni had been a beautiful creature, but as her kind grew in number they became less and less accepted within the greater world community. Desperate for acceptance, the leader among Macaroni's children, Kraft, signed his soul over to Satan in exchange for magical skills. Hence the beginning of a lost community. Calling themselves "Macaroni's Children of the Corn" (these mystical creatures really liked all things involving corn, even corn mazes), the community began reeking havoc on the greater Biblical community, and, by the time of Christ, they were forced into hiding to avoid persecution.
Seeking refuge outside of Antioch, Macaroni's Children of the Corn came to be known as "unicorns" (an obvious name, uni referring to their recognition of the one "uni" evil spirit Satan who gave them the gifts of magic and corn referring to their deep love of corn). By the 15th century a large group of unicorns were found living with the Navajo and Apache Indians on the plains of the new Americas. Their migration from Antioch to the Americas is not well documented, but most uni-historians speculate they migrated on homemade boats. The unicorns were received well by the Indians, who were attracted to the magical powers of the unicorns. But the arrival of Europeans brought much calamity upon the unicorn population, whom were again forced to flee. From that time until today unicorns have been known to be found in caves throughout the land. In Clinton many unicorns can be found dwelling in the basement of Belk (did you ever wonder what that side door leads to? well unicorn land of course).
All this to say that the plight of the unicorn has been heavy on my heart as of late. Unicorns once sold their soul to Satan and continue to live in magical sin. As you know "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"... certainly this does not exclude unicorns! They too are hungry for grace! Every magical spell is a desperate cry for the cross. Here is a population of animals who have never even heard the Gospel. Their hearts are open, the challenge is convincing them so set aside their prideful magic loving ways and turn to the Cross.
In conclusion, evangelism to the unicorns is a necessary step to take in the advancement of the Kingdom.
Fighting the battle,
Leigh
Below is a picture of Macaroni and one of her children, Jilly (known as "the timid")
No comments:
Post a Comment