just like pharaoh

I'm reading through exodus.  I was in Chapter 7 today and this verse was chilling.

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Pharaoh's heart is hardened; he refuses to let the people go.
My heart has been hardened lately.  You could go so far as to say it's felt black.  I would.

What have I been holding on to?  Refusing to let go?  

So I spent some time releasing things to The Lord: namely, my hopes, dreams, and desires.  Help me live open handed!

Some peace restored.

I'll take it.

Lord, what's the real issue going on?  What's the root? It's not provision...what is it?

Love.

You think love is merited.  You think you've been "better" than some others so you deserve what you want.  But Elizabeth Ann my love isn't merited.  It can't be earned.

Oh yeah.  Grace is a free gift.

What a great reminder (again) before Easter.  The cross.  I didn't earn it.  The gift of salvation is a free one - given to me by God.  

I am constantly reminded that this is a process.   Over and over.   Moving forward one step at a time.  With a few sidesteps, too.  My heart gets hardened and my mind believes the lies satan feeds me.  And yet the Lord is faithful...His presence brings restoration, peace, and life.  

As often as I get bitter, hurt, angry, and the likes...it's just as often the Lord ushers me in to His arms.