When the earth quakes

I was in Nicaragua March 1-9.  A place that has part of my heart.  This trip was different, yet one of my favorites.  The first night we were there, we woke up to shaking.  Yep!  An earthquake!  A 6.4 on the scale in fact.  And while I was up the first thought that came to mind was when Paul was in prison.  

Acts 16:25-40
About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were unfastened. When the jailer woke and saw that the prison doors were open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself, supposing that the prisoners had escaped. But Paul cried with a loud voice, “Do not harm yourself, for we are all here.” And the jailer called for lights and rushed in, and trembling with fear he fell down before Paul and Silas. Then he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” And they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their wounds; and he was baptized at once, he and all his family. Then he brought them up into his house and set food before them. And he rejoiced along with his entire household that he had believed in God.
But when it was day, the magistrates sent the police, saying, “Let those men go.” And the jailer reported these words to Paul, saying, “The magistrates have sent to let you go. Therefore come out now and go in peace.” But Paul said to them, “They have beaten us publicly, uncondemned, men who are Roman citizens, and have thrown us into prison; and do they now throw us out secretly? No! Let them come themselves and take us out.” The police reported these words to the magistrates, and they were afraid when they heard that they were Roman citizens. So they came and apologized to them. And they took them out and asked them to leave the city. So they went out of the prison and visited Lydia. And when they had seen the brothers, they encouraged them and departed.

And this became my hope and my prayer for the week: that the prisoners would be set free. Looking back, I am in awe of what the Lord did. He started our week with an earthquake. And he did set many free! People in our team were set free. Like the jailer, many people in Nicaragua met Jesus for the first time that week. While I'm not sure if we washed any wounds physically, we washed them with words of comfort and healing. We washed their hunger with food. We washed souls with the hope that only Christ can bring. And, as Paul knew he what he deserved as a Roman citizen, I believe people learned their true identity and thus can start living in the freedom of belonging to Christ, rather than being enslaved to sin.

What an honor to be a part of it! What a joy!

Paula & the greatest bus ride ever

I know, I know, it has been ages since I've blogged.  Something happened to me yesterday afternoon that I have to share.  Seriously, to date, I think it is the coolest thing I've been able to be a part of!

I park in the Hagood lot, which is about a 10 minute walk from my office.  It was nice out, but I was feeling lazy and wanted to read my book, so I decided to take the bus.  I got to the bus stop just as a CARTA bus was pulling away.  I started to run to the bus, hoping the driver would see me and stop.  She did!  I got on the bus.

Elizabeth Ann:  Thank you!  (sat down; almost sat back, but moved to sit up front)

Paula: You’re welcome.  It’s funny because I just had a dream about this.

EA:  What do you mean?  Can you tell me about it?

P: Well, I was driving the bus.  There was a Coca-Cola truck across the street (there was in real life) and no one was on the bus.  I got to the stop and no one was there, but then someone was running to get on and I stopped for them.  How crazy is that?

EA:  I actually just took a class on dream interpretation.

P: Oh, girl!  Interpret my dream!

EA:  Ok...I’m new at this.  But modes of transportation usually represent your life, especially your personal ministry.  Busses carry more people (because they are bigger) in the ministry.  And that’s your job.  I think you are willing to slow down and stop for other people to get on and come alongside you in ministry.

P: Amen!  Yes!  OMG.  This job is my ministry!  It really is!  I get to talk to people and love them.  And a lot of homeless people get on the bus.  And sometimes I buy them food.  And I had a boy that sells those roses tell me he was hungry and I bought him food.  And one time the Lord told me to get food and give all the money I had to this person ... there was even a $20 bill on the sidewalk and I gave it all to him and the $20.  

EA: Wow.  That is so awesome.  I love feeding homeless people, too.  I do it Sunday’s downtown.

P:  On Meeting Street?  Yes, I’ve seen you!

EA:  Yes!

(I’d gotten $10 out for something that day and I rarely have cash.)
EA:  I want you to have this $10 and use it to buy food for someone next time.

P: OMG thank you!  (Almost cried.)

(She is going through the other bus stops so we can keep talking!)

P:  Ok, I have another dream for you...I have this dream with a school of fish.  Every time I have the dream, someone in my family gets pregnant.  But, recently, I had the dream and it was different.  I was in it and I caught a fish. ... I want a baby so badly.  I’ve had four miscarriages and the last time it was so awful, so painful, I literally wanted to die.  And the Lord is so good because within that week I found a stray dog.  I’m a nurturer and I took him home.  He was really thin and sick and I nursed him to health.  That was two years ago and we still have Chaz!

EA: I love that.  Ok, here’s what I think your dream means.  For you personally, in your dreams, fish represent babies - so I think you will get a baby, but differently than your family.  AND you got the dog!  (Meaning it could be a dog and not an actual baby.)  

EA: Do you still want a baby?

P: Yes!

EA:  Can I pray for you?

P: Yes!
EA: I believe the Lord can heal you of infertility.  One of my best friends (Rennie) was healed after 10 years!  He can do it!  Prayed that she would be healed of infertility and the Lord would bless her with a baby.

P: Thank you!  You have a calling on your life!  You’re anointed!  I could feel that!  You have the gift of healing, don’t you?

EA: Thank you!  Yes, I think that is part of my gifting.

P: Ok, I have something else to tell you, but I’m going to pull over and get out of the bus.  

EA: Ok.  Haha.

P:  One reason I want a baby so badly is because there are a lot of generational curses and sin in my family.  And I really believe they will stop with this baby.

EA: You know, Paula, those things can stop with YOU.

P:  (Eyes big as saucers) Really?

EA: Yes!  What kind of curses?

P:  People have been after my family.  A lot of witchcraft.  And I was molested by an uncle.  And I was molested by my brother.  And then he molested my cousin.  And my mom didn’t listen and she wouldn’t get a babysitter but left me alone with them.  But the Lord is so good!  One time three men came in and were going to attack me BUT they didn’t lay a hand on me.  And so much of my life I have been alone, but the Lord has been with me!  And my mother in law doesn’t want us to have a baby even though we’ve been married 18 years.  She lived with us for 2 years and I caught her putting stuff in my food to try to prevent me from having a baby {I, Elizabeth Ann, think some kind of black magic.} And it broke my heart; I worked through it and forgave her but it hurt me a lot.  And I used to hear from the holy spirit all the time, but haven’t in a long time.  And I have been going to a fertility specialist; I’m 45, but have the reproductive system of someone in her 20’s.  The doctors are shocked and all of my tests came back great.  In fact, I went to the IVF doctor today and he said everything looked really good!  Hopefully I can get pregnant (via IVF) next month.  So that makes sense that my family gets pregnant one way and I may get pregnant this way.

EA: Ok, let’s pray!  Prayed that she would be filled and anointed with the Holy Spirit.  That generational curses would be broken and cut off!  (She could feel it break and body jerked/made a sound when I prayed that.)  Prayed that the curses would be replaced with God’s truth.  That wounds from childhood would be healed.  That she would know she is royalty.  That the Lord would make ways in the wilderness, streams in the desert, and restore her to the ways of her youth.  That she would be blessed with a baby!  That her marriage would be blessed!  That I would see her again and she’d have a baby.

P: Thank you! I could feel it!  My heart feels better!  And the enemy didn’t want us to meet.  He didn’t want me to pick you up.  But I did.  We were supposed to meet!

EA: OMG I’m so glad we did!  This was the best bus ride ever.

ELATED!  FILLED WITH JOY!  Many hugs.  She was crying.

I had to share this because that is the wonder and beauty of the God I serve.  Frankly, I needed this encounter as much as she did.  So blessed!

Walking through fire and not burned

Does anyone read this blog anymore?  Well, for the one or two of you that may...here is my thought for the day:

I have loved Isaiah 43 for a long time.  Especially the first part.  Most especially verse 2 (bolded).

But now thus says the Lord,

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I give Egypt as your ransom,

Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

Because you are precious in my eyes,

and honored, and I love you,

I give men in return for you,

peoples in exchange for your life.

Fear not, for I am with you;

I will bring your offspring from the east,

and from the west I will gather you.

I will say to the north, Give up,

and to the south, Do not withhold;

bring my sons from afar

and my daughters from the end of the earth,

everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made.”

But the Lord showed me something new this week.  It probably helps that I heard a teaching on living out of your spirit, rather than your soul or body.  BUT I'll take the renewing of my mind any time!  Anyway, I would read that I would pass through waters and I would not be overwhelmed.  And that I would walk through fire and not be burned.  Well, this past year+ has shown me what walking through waters and fire looks like.  Or, experiences of it, as everyone's waters and fires look different.  

But, I was overwhelmed and I was burned.  It hurts.  It's hard.  There aren't usually easy ways out.  

BUT GOD showed me something different this week.  My soul (emotions, thoughts, etc.) and my body may be overwhelmed and burned BUT my spirit isn't/doesn't have to be!  My spirit that resides with the Lord and is in communion with Him truly has the ability to go through anything and come out unscathed.  What a joy and gift!  What a blessing!  What a beautiful picture of the gospel to share with others!

Our circumstances can suck.  Financial problems.  Health problems.  Broken hearts.  Loved ones who make pool decisions affecting you.  All of it.  But our spirits can remain steadfast and we can rise above them.  Hard?  Yes.  Impossible?  Not with the Lord!  Worth it?  Absolutely!

Celebrating Maggie

I went to ATL this past weekend to celebrate the birth of my dear friend, Maggie.  Last year's trip was fairly epic.

While I haven't been putting my thoughts down on paper much lately, my traveling companion has been.  Weston's words are too good not to share:

Snippet Recap

Playlist:

1. Whitney Houston, I Wanna Dance With Somebody

2. Miley Cyrus, We Can't Stop

----------

The cool midnight air meets the unwanted end to the evening, but as you exit the party you meet a promise of more fun- accompanied by a shaky promise of return. As you enter the unknown there's not a care in the world other than the smiles on everyone's faces and excitement for the mysteries ahead. The breeze hits your face as you step in and up three easy, but unfamiliar steps. 

Take a turn and the view you expected is thrown off by a rearranging of seats and added poles. There you are- seated, cocktail in hand, enveloped in darkness. You hear the roar of the engine and feel the cool late night breeze on your neck as the music starts. Everyone begins to get restless while seated and as the song builds you feel your legs start to move without your instruction, you begin to sway without inhibition, and suddenly, almost impulsively, you join everyone on their feet. As you speed through the city laughing and dancing the night away, you steel glances in slow motion of onlookers out the window- stares that follow, smiles that long to join. The beat and the high pulses through you. 

You realize these moments slow down as if to remind you to enjoy, to soak in, and to gainfully contribute- for spying from the outside and not contributing is strictly prohibited in this crowd. And, that is precisely what you love and appreciate about the people that surround you. They rub elbows with you in the dark, in the light, when you're up and when you're down. They share a time of life with you when you all grew into the you you are now. They stake claim in your successes and failures- and everything in between, including your dance moves. 

The night is not over, but this chapter is. You exit the reminder of slow motion and the importance of popping it like its hot with the best of them- you exit this reminder into the front door of not one, not two or three, but a four washboard band...and you contribute. 

---

Playlist:
The Rolling Stones, Honky Tonk Women

In you walk past the liveliest bouncer- high fives included. Clickin and clackin goes the washboard- mesmerizing as you walk to the bar…eyes never leaving the stage. A 7 and 7, two miller lights and a bud-heavy for the little one. Progress towards the stage where you recognize every face in the crowd.  But, it's as if the stage has extended and the front row of seated onlookers peer on in desire to join the dancing and antics. 

And then the washboard makes its way to the front of your birthday friend. She plays with the slightest of ease and the biggest of grins. Tonight you celebrate her friendship, her joy and her loud laugh.

You shift over to the door where you find your friends sitting on an abandoned booth bench with an unobstructed view of the night.  You peer into the crowd thinking that there isn't another way you'd rather end the evening, but then you remember waffle house. Unfortunately, you end with Krystal…and it almost ends you. 

As Fred the cabbie drives you home, you discuss the awkward dude at the party, the macaroni and cheese, and the mistake that is kyrstal burger…and again, the macaroni and cheese. 18 floors up to the penthouse you ride, and out onto the balcony you walk. Breeze on your face and city-scapes in your eyes. 

To the couch you saunter to dream of contributing tomorrow...

---

Playlist:
PYT
Easy like Sunday Morning

As the sun rises, so do you…but you lay on the couch in wait of others to stir as you listen to songs of comfort.

With the awakening of others comes the invitation of a shower to rid you of the cigarette smoke, sweat and beer- of which this reminder of the night before makes you grin with subtle mysteriousness. 

The walk to coffee with a buddy with whom you've cheated death and his girlfriend greets you with yet another cool breeze. 

All three around the table you sit- each with coffee and a different section of the newspaper. 

Charged with enjoying the company and sitting still, you watch the street and the passersby as the newspaper lays stretched across your lap. Quietly you see the irony in your liberal arts education as you embrace your ignorance for current events and wrap yourself in the bustling around you- but only as an onlooker. 

As that time comes to a close, you venture back to gather your belongings…strewn across the city.

It's time again. Time to drive home- Another reunion coming to a close. Your co-pilot: a long time friend of 12 years.  You've seen her laugh, you've seen her cry, and you've caused both.  Depart you must. Saying goodbye, you mustn't. Until next time. Or, next year as you always discuss. The yearly retreat does you well. 

But, one of the best parts await. The debrief and the therapy session on the drive home. 

This year it is improved upon with the shaker and another year's wisdom.You discuss life. You discuss the funny moments. You discuss the hard moments. And, then you shake it off with a good song and two egg shakers…both off beat… both violently rattling to the tunes that remind you of growing up, of dancing in frat houses, and of times you've forgotten until the song takes you back…

ways of royalty

i don't reread books often.  there are just a handful i ever have.  but i'm re-reading kris valloton's supernatural ways of royalty, and this stopped me in my tracks:

Notice the contrast between "master and slave" and "Father and

friend." Jesus strikes a great balance here when He reminds us that

although slaves obey out of fear, friends obey the Father out of love. A

willing heart is a prerequisite to moving out of slavery into friendship. He

also highlights the fact that slaves do not know what their master is doing

but friends know all about the Father's business. Jesus set the example for

us by doing what He saw the Father doing. If we are to do the same, we

must realize that we have been invited to have the same kind of friendship

with the Father that Jesus Himself had.

as i was verbally wrestling through something with a friend back in June, she told me "Elizabeth Ann...I think you've gone from a servant to a friend of Jesus."  it struck me in a way few things have.

i have found myself saying over and over again this past year, i have no idea what god is up to.  but is that really true?

i know god's character.  i know what He's all about.  and i know the outcome of things even if i don't understand the 1,001 steps it takes to get there.  so, today, i will trust what i know about my god, my friend, my king.  as a friend of the lord jesus, i know in part what he's doing.  i can ask what he's doing.  i can trust that he will reveal things to me.

also reminded of proverbs 25:2,

It is the glory of God to conceal things,
    but the glory of kings is to search things out.
as royalty, we get to search things out...the more i know the lord, the more i know about this privilege and gift.  the more i love it and am thankful for it.

bearing.

what does it mean to bear?

several times in this season (of heartache and darkness and moving forward, yet not really knowing where to)  i have heard the Lord say to me, "this is preparing you to bear more."

as i say to him, "no, lord.  no more.  i cannot take it."  i am reminded of his words to me.  they wash over me reminding me that all things are purposeful and i don't want to be a lightweight anyway.  (ok, sometimes that seems super appealing.)

but what does bearing mean?

i immediately think of what bonhoeffer; he said, "Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). Thus the law of Christ is a law of bearing. Bearing means forbearing and sustaining...The Christian must suffer and endure the brother. It is only when he is a burden that another person is really a brother and not merely an object to be manipulated...It is, first of all, the freedom of the other person that is a burden to the Christian... The freedom of the other person includes all that we mean by a person’s nature, individuality, endowment. It also includes his weaknesses and oddities, which are such a trial to our patience, everything that produces frictions, conflicts, and collisions among us...Then, there is the abuse of that freedom that becomes a burden for the Christian. In sin, fellowship with God and with his brother are broken... To cherish no contempt for the sinner but rather to prize the privilege of bearing him means not to have to give him up as lost, to be able to accept him, to preserve fellowship with him through forgiveness...The service of forgiveness is rendered by one to the others daily. It occurs, without words, in the intercessions for one another,,. He who is bearing others knows that he himself is being borne."

it is one of my favorite quotes of all time.  favorite, but rarely used.  i've held on to it like a treasure and shared it only a few times.  for few people are worthy of receiving it.  

so bearing.  we are to bear one another.  community.  the church.  that's what it is all about.  rather, it should be.  we read it in the book of acts, but many times we don't live it out like we are created and instructed to do.

yesterday i was spending time in the presence of the lord and was yet again reminded of a favorite passage.

matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

and it occurred to me, perhaps it always should have: bearing more isn't about taking more on.  it isn't going through more.  it isn't enduring more hardship.  

bearing more is about handing more over to jesus.  

hard circumstances, hard seasons, hard whatever often times draws us nearer to jesus.  while we lament the hard, we are grateful there is one getting us through it.  bearing more is taking the yoke of jesus more and emptying myself of the notions that i have to do it on my own.  i think the lord is essentially saying to me, "this is preparing you to know me more, entrust me more, and watch me take over the things you used to think you had to handle on your on."

and that is a better thought to bear.

there's a first time for everything

y'all, i tried to cook tofu.

well, i did cook it.

it's definitely edible (never thought i'd say that).

but i think i need to keep tweaking it.  i'd like it crispier.  preferably, without frying.

any ideas?